S2S Mentor

Siblings Not Wanting To Hangout With You

Lately I feel like my brother would rather read then hang out with me. Now it might not seem that big, but, to me it is. We have a very close relationship for siblings and I miss playing with him. I know I'm overreacting but it feels like all he wants to do is read and draw and play Minecraft. -Anonymous


Hi there! 

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I understand what it’s like, and it can really hurt.

Everyone changes, hits puberty, and develops at different times. Part of it could be that your brother likes to do different things for fun now, and is starting to do more things on his own. And of course, it could be the other way around too, maybe you like different things than you used to. Either way, it can be really hard when someone you’re really close to, starts pushing you away and wanting to do things without you. 

I have two younger brothers, and when I started “growing up” I didn’t like the same things as my brother anymore, which made it harder for us to do as much together, even though we were really close. And my brother also felt left behind when I didn’t want to play with him, but it wasn’t something that I could help. Now, years later, my brother has also started to “grow up”, and I now understand how he felt when I had first started changing. He likes to do a lot of stuff on his own now, and doesn’t like to do some of the same things as me. And sometimes I wish he’d want to hangout more. That being said, now that he’s going through puberty, we can relate much more to each other, because it doesn’t feel like there’s as much of an age gap between us. Since I don’t know how old your brother is, I can’t say whether this is the case or not, but it could be part of it. 

One thing you could do is talk to your brother. I know it might feel like he won’t listen or care, but you never know and there’s a good chance he will listen! Talking is one of the most effective ways to communicate and fix problems. There’s a chance he doesn’t even know how you feel -he might not realize that he’s not hanging out with you as much anymore. Tell him how you feel and explain to him that you miss doing stuff together. But that being said, also try to be understanding of the fact that he likes to do those other things too. Find a compromise, if he wants to read and draw then that’s fine! But ask him if he’ll play with you sometimes, too. You can also work together to find things to do that you’ll both enjoy, that way it can be fun all around!

If talking to your brother yourself doesn’t work, or you don’t feel comfortable telling him this, talk to your parents. Ask them what they think. Maybe they could talk to him, or maybe they will have good advice for you, because there’s a good chance they had to deal with the same thing if they had siblings. 


I hope this is helpful <3 

~Amelia, S2S Mentor

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