Mod S2S Mentor

Nervous About Coming Out.

I don't know if this is really the right place to say this , so I'm sorry if it isn't. For a while i thought I was straight, I thought had had a million crushes on boys, and the one time I may have had a crush on a girl, I dismissed it. My family isn't against LGBTQ but I never had much exposure to anyone in the community until I joined NMG, and now I think that I may be Lesbian, and it is the only lable that feels right. I feel like all the times I had a crush on a boy, they were really just plantonic, but I didn't even know that exsisted until now. I am afraid if I tell anyone they will just dismiss it as a phase or something. I don't know if anyone can really help, but I am afraid to talk to anyone anyway, it took a while for me to even get myself to do this. Please help!


I hope I can offer some good advice on this. I'm an openly out lesbian who's come out to many people. Sometimes, people, I'm close to and sometimes people I just met.

Coming out can be very hard. One thing you need to be sure of before you do so is that it's safe to come out. If coming out to certain people would make you unsafe don't come out to them. It's not lying or wrong to protect yourself. Even if you do have to lie about your sexuality it is okay to do that to protect yourself.

Even in a supportive environment, it's not always easy to come out. If you don't feel ready then you don't have to. Even if you know you'd be accepted you do not have to come out if you aren't ready. Sometimes you just need more time before doing something so big. I knew I wasn't straight for a long time before I told my parents. I knew they'd be okay with it but I wasn't ready before that. It's also okay to only come out to certain people. I came out to my friend's way before I told my parents. You can start by telling a close friend if that's what feels comfortable. Being out to certain people does not mean you have to be out to everyone. It's up to you who gets to know about your sexuality.

If saying it out loud is too hard you can come out in another form like a letter or an email. Do whatever feels comfortable for you. There's no wrong way to come out.

It is sadly very common for people to dismiss LGBT+ kid's sexualities as a phase. A lot of people don't understand that young people can know that they're gay. They never think that straight kids are going through a phase. If they treat it like a phase then they are not taking your seriously because of your age or because of past experiences. If they think you're not a lesbian because you've had crushes on boys you can explain that they were platonic. Even if some people are dismissive there will be people who support you and believe you. The feelings of others on your sexuality are not important. What matters is how you feel about it. Someone saying it's a phase does not make it a phase. You know yourself better than anyone else. Hopefully, with time the people who treat it as a phase will realize that they are wrong and will become supportive. 

Talking to other LGBT people has always helped me when people are ignorant about the community. There are a lot of people out there who understand your experience. Talking to these people can help you feel less alone and feel heard and understood. A support system is very helpful when going through the coming out process. 


I hope that when you feel that the time is right for you to come out that it goes well. Finding a label that works for you is awesome! Coming out is scary but when it goes well it can feel very freeing to not have to hide who you are.

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  • tysm I cant find this info on anywhere but nmg I still haven't come out so helpful but I know my mom would be fine with it if I did
  • This is so so so helpful. Thank you for writing this
  • This is very helpful, thank you so much for writing it
  • This is very helpful, thank you so much!
  • i didn’t write the question for this, but wow! this is VERY relevant, thank you for writing this, it really helps <3
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