Mod S2S Mentor

Sister to Sister: Realizing You're LGBT+

The first time I knew I had a crush on a girl, I had just turned twelve years old. I wasn’t too surprised to find myself attracted to her, as I’d already found some other girls attractive. And one time, upon reading in a science magazine that evidence points to being gay not being a choice, my reaction was, “but I WANT to choose to be gay!” This doesn’t mean, however, that it was easy or fast for me to realize I was, in fact, gay.

I’ll start this story when I was ten. That was when I had what I thought was my first crush. He was a boy my age in my dance class, and because some of my friends were starting to have crushes, I decided, “I’m going to have a crush on this boy.” What I didn’t realize was that crushes weren’t something you chose to have. What I really didn’t realize was that I had already had crushes--just not on boys, like I assumed I was supposed to. For instance, I had always felt a fluttery nervous-excitement around a friend’s older sister, but it had never registered as attraction.

As time went by, I realized I could be attracted to girls. I had that first crush on a girl, and more following that, but I still assumed I liked boys. But around when I turned sixteen, four years after I realized I definitely wasn’t straight, I started thinking--what if I’m not bi? What if I’m a lesbian? A couple months prior, I had had a crush on a male actor, who played one of my favorite characters on a show I was watching. But as soon as my investment in the character faded . . . the crush disappeared, and so did the attraction to men I thought I had. I started seeking out posts online by lesbians about their experiences before they realized they were lesbians, and a lot of what I read sounded like my own experience.

I’m not going to pretend I stopped questioning then. I still have feelings about specific men that make me wonder if I’m attracted to them. I have no idea how I’ll think of myself even six months from now. And that’s okay! I don’t need to know exactly what I am right now. And if you, who are reading this, are going through anything similar, neither do you. Nobody does.

Maybe you’re questioning your sexuality, or your gender, and you can’t relate to anything I’ve written. And that’s also okay. My experience won’t be the same as anyone else’s, and neither will yours. Some people know they’re LGBT+ when they’re very young, some when they’re old, some sometime in between. Many people think they’re one thing and later realize they’re another, but some don’t. And even though no two people have the same experience, no matter when you start questioning and how long it takes, there will be someone who’s gone through something similar.

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Mod S2S Mentor

I'm Catherine, and I'm 19. I love writing (though I don't do as much of it as I'd like), and I'm also very serious about dance.

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  • Very helpful
  • This is so helpful. I think I'm either straight or bi, I have had crushes on many boys but there have been a few girls who have made me question myself.
    • ^^^^
  • This is super helpful! I went through something a lot like this.
  • This is really helpful, thank you :)
  • Thank you! This definitely helps me ! :)
  • This is really well written! Thank you!
  • Thanks, this is very helpful!
    A lot of people say that Being LGBT+ isn't a choice and that I can't "decide" to be Bi. ut what if I hadn't realized it until now?
  • Wow! What are all those sexual references? I don’t talk about this stuff much
    • Online Community Manager
      Good question! For the most part, they refer to which gender someone might be sexually/romantically attracted to. (In other words, who they might potentially "like", i.e. have a crush on.) I'll try to give a brief definition of each term included in this blog post, but let me know if I miss anything and/or anything isn't clear! :)

      • Straight—Another word for this is heterosexual. Basically, it means someone who would "like" people of the opposite gender. So a straight girl would be attracted to boys, and vice versa.
      • Gay—Another word for this is homosexual. To put it simply, it's kind of like the opposite of straight, meaning that someone would "like" people of the same gender that they themselves are. The word "gay" is most often used to refer to males who are attracted to other males, but can really be used to refer to anyone who is attracted to the same gender that they are. e.g. A boy who gets crushes only on other boys would be considered gay.
      • Lesbian—This means the same thing as gay (being attracted to the same gender), but is used only to refer to females; so, a girl who gets crushes only on other girls.
      • Bisexual—This refers to someone who could potentially be attracted to someone who's male *or* female—regardless of their own gender. People sometimes think of it as a sort of "combination" of straight and gay, in that a bisexual person might have a crush on someone of their own gender (similar to being gay) or on someone of the opposite gender (similar to being straight), but it's really a distinctive sexual orientation of its own. People also sometimes refer to bisexual as just "bi" for short, so if you ever see that, that's probably what it means. :)

      There are also a number of other terms out there (such as pansexual, meaning that someone could potentially be attracted to anyone, gender completely notwithstanding, or asexual, meaning that they wouldn't be attracted to anyone at all—and many other terms too), but I think these are the ones Catherine mentioned here. :) Feel free to ask if you have any other questions!
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What Do You Think?

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  • I might be part of the LGBTQ+ community. I've been having some of these same feelings recently and it's certainly nice to know there are other people who feel the same way!
  • Thanks so much for sharing that! I'm also a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and it was so good to know that there's someone else in the world that shares the same type of emotions and thoughts as me!
  • awesome!!!
  • thanks for likeing me
  • you are amazing!
  • Thank you S2S mentors!
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