I hope you've all been staying safe and finding ways to lift your spirits throughout the summer :)
Today, I'm writing about the topic of jealousy. Jealousy is something that I personally struggled with for a long period of time. I always thought that someone else was better off than me, or that someone else was better than me. I got scared when my friends hung out with other friends because I thought that I was going to be replaced. Jealousy is a really hard thing to deal with, but hopefully some of these tips will help you overcome any jealous feelings that you have! :)
First becoming jealous:
When you're starting to have jealous feelings, there are some questions you should ask yourself. Through asking these questions, you're allowing yourself to look at the full situation, instead of just focusing on one specific feeling. When you just focus on one feeling, it can overwhelm you and you can take actions that you might regret later. So, what are some good questions you should ask??
-Why am I feeling this way?
-Is there something else going on in my life right now that's causing me to overload on this emotion?
-Are things from my past affecting how I'm viewing this situation?
-Do I really know the whole story?
What can I learn from these questions?
These questions seem pretty simple, but they can allow you to open your mind up to more than just the one specific feeling that you’re experiencing. The first question will help you identify the situation. WHY am I having this emotion? If it's a relationship, has something happened in the past in that specific relationship that's helping you to feel this way? Confronting yourself and your feelings is one of the most important steps in looking at your jealousy and evaluating it. Without doing this, you're burying your emotion, which will just make it worse later.
The second question allows you to step back and view not only the situation, but your life in general. Are you holding back and building up emotion from different parts of your life? Did something happen yesterday that you still haven't dealt with? Building up emotions can result in explosions, which can be dangerous for your personal mental health and your relationships. Make sure that you're stepping back every day and figuring out what's happening in your life so that you're able to deal with it in a healthy manner and move on.
The third question helps you to look at your past. Every experience or relationship that you have allows you to learn something and grow. If you've been involved in toxic relationships in the past, you could still be holding on to a lot of that emotion. This specific situation happened to me. When I transferred best friends between 8th grade and high school, I was coming out of a pretty toxic friendship. I carried a lot of the emotions over from that relationship to my new relationship, which ended up affecting it a lot. I didn't have the time to deal with my emotions and feelings, so I ended up hurting my new relationship. Past relationships can affect how you interact with your current relationships. It's important to deal with your past feelings so that you don't end up hurting new friendships. :) Remember, every relationship is different, and people can be pretty awesome if you give them the chance! (Most people at least :))
The final question allows you to really see how much of the story you know. If you're on social media and are jealous of someone's life, stuff, or relationships, ask yourself, do I really know the whole story? And most of the time, the answer is no! On social media, many people tend to only post about the good, happy, and exciting things in their lives. Photos are edited, bodies are distorted, and we don't see any sort of negatives. That specific person could be really struggling, but you would never know that by looking at their feed. By only seeing one perspective, we could think that things are all sunshine and roses, but remember, nobody's life is perfect. We all struggle with different things, even if people decide not to show it!
What are steps that I can take to overcome my jealousy?
- Talk about it: Like I mentioned before, confronting your emotion is SO crucial. Letting those feelings build up will end up hurting more than just you, but the people around you as well. So talk it out! I know that for some people, this is easier said than done. Find a friend, parent, mentor, or trusted adult that you can talk about these feelings with. This will allow you to not only admit them to yourself, but also allow you to take a step in the right direction of bettering yourself and dealing with these feelings.
- Evaluate your self-confidence: I know, this one may seem a bit weird! In my personal experience, I've been very afraid of being replaced and was jealous of anyone who I remotely thought was going to replace me. For me, I needed to work on my self-confidence. I was unconfident in myself and I didn't know my worth or realize my place in someone's life. In order to improve this, I had to do things that helped me become more confident, like learning to love my body, myself, and knowing that if someone didn't want to be my friend, it was their loss! :) There are many different ways that you can help to build your self-confidence, so I'll list a few below!! There are many more you can try as well, so if you need any sort of idea, please don't hesitate to PM me!
- Doing something for yourself every day- Check in with yourself at the beginning, middle, and end of each day. How are you doing? What happened today? How did you feel when _____ happened to you? Take note of those emotions and invite yourself to explore them. Understanding your emotions and how you react to situations is part of knowing who you are as a person. Keeping a journal might also help stimulate some thoughts and help yourself explore who you are in a positive, recordable way.
- Complimenting Yourself-I know, I know, this one sounds weird! But I promise you, It's going to help you become comfortable with who you are! Look in the mirror at yourself and see one thing you love about yourself. Now, many of us tend to look at ourselves and criticize what we see. Examples of this are; “my boobs are too small!” “my nose is way too big!” “when did this show up, ugh, it's so ugly!” All these things put down who you are as a person and puts down your body. Your body was individually made to do all sorts of crazy amazing things, and it's your job to help it along and help it do so! If you're hurting your body and criticizing it, you're not helping it to bloom in all the amazing ways possible. Now, it's okay to feel insecure and unsure about things sometimes, but if you love who you are, many of these things will melt away. Not saying that loving yourself sheds all insecurity completely, but it definitely helps you to become more confident in who you are! :) So, look at the amazing beautiful body you have and compliment one thing about it. "My soul is really shining today!" or "Look at these amazing legs! They help me run far distances in track!" All these things will pour positive reinforcement on your body and in your mind to help you grow in relationship with yourself.
- I love you- This one is also a bit weird! Look in the mirror and say "I love you," to yourself like you would a friend. This one is hard, I know! The first time my therapist told me to do this one I burst into tears! Growth is a process. Soon you'll be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you," and keep walking! :)
- Positive Mindset-A positive mindset is a key to great success. It's the key to achieving goals you're setting, things you're working on, and relationships you're pursuing. Having a positive mindset also helps you to grow in a relationship with yourself. Instead of saying “No,” Say, “Yes, but…” and explain how it's possible! When you encounter something difficult you could say, "This is hard, but we're going to get through this!" Saying positive phrases like that to yourself and having a positive mindset can affect how you react to a situation and allow you to use all of the amazing positive strength that you hold inside of you!
- Take self-care actions: By taking actions of self-care, you're allowing yourself to feel comfortable in who you are, and helping yourself to feel good and process your emotions. Take a bath, go on a walk, write in a journal, read, or do something else that makes you feel loved and cared for so you can process these emotions and deal with them!
- Follow real influencers: Many influencers on social media only post one side of their story! I recommend finding positive influencers that share more than one perspective of their story. By doing this, you're allowing yourself to see all types of people, body shapes and sizes, real life issues, and growth. I recommend checking out Carrie Hope Fletcher, who is an amazing woman and is super inspirational! Lizzo is also an amazing influencer to follow, in my opinion. There are so many more amazing humans out there who are sharing their WHOLE story! Follow them and feel real life :)
- Remember that nothing is permanent: Everything in life ebbs and flows, and nothing will stay forever! Change is a normal part of life and your story, so don't allow yourself to get too caught up in the strict guidelines of life. Be confident in yourself, and trust that everything will work out just the way it should :)
Jealousy is a tough thing to deal with, but by being confident in yourself and who you are as a person, you're able to overcome and conquer the world. Remember that you're so powerful and strong and that you have so much meaning. You matter so so SO much and we all love you more than you know :) If you need anything or have any questions, please don't hesitate to PM! I'm here for you!
Sister to sister,